A Lonely Extrovert

I have never ever not been friends with people in the city where I have stayed for more than 1 month. 

Yep, that's me! A friendly extrovert who likes to talk to new people and gather new experiences!

They say pregnancy and motherhood can be lonely if you don't have peers of the same age around you. That was not even the case. Since conception, till today, my daughters are 2, some or the other friend is happily pregnant, and we are going through circles of parenting together. So yeah, that's not why it feels so.

When I learnt about being pregnant with twins, I knew it might get tough, and it WAS. 100 m of walking took 20minutes, I couldn't help but sleep due to tiredness, and to add to it, I was hospitalised mid-pregnancy with a scare. So yeah, keeping my professional practice going was pretty difficult, and  I shifted to online consultations only to reduce my interactions with patients further down. Coz when you meet people, patients, or clients, the interpersonal interactions are far better than on the phone.

Cut to six months after the babies were born, we shifted to a different city, a new horizon, and a chance to explore more. Gurugram was our new home. We settled for a nice neighbourhood with a beautiful apartment to live in and raise our girls. Mr D had his previous colleagues along. But me, boy, was it so different. New places, new horizons, new challenges, and new kinds of people altogether. 

We have always stayed in Metro Cities, and cross-cultural crowds have always been a thing. It didn't take a lot from me to make friends. Even my bestie in town was a Scottish Man who would like to gossip along with me after work hours over luncheons. Pune felt homely and friendly, quick and so easy. People from Delhi NCR, Bangalore, Chhattisgarh, etc were our friends and welcoming. It never felt so weird.

But people from NCR staying in Pune and people staying in NCR from Pune are different. People here feel weirdly cold. It's been over a year staying in Gurugram, but did I add a friend to my reporttaire? NO! I analyse, re-analyse, and try to understand. We take steps, extra steps, counter steps, plan actions, plan actions on reactions, take a second step, the list goes on. Nothing seems to work here, man! 

Meeting new people and their reactions are absolutely priceless. They make you feel at home. We bring our best behaviour. We bring gifts, sweets, and spend those 2 hours impeccably. But once you are out of their place, they are done with that good friendship. 

Also, when you meet in groups with unknown people, they question you all the more to make you feel really awkward. In a mom entrepreneur group that I met, we introduced ourselves, and I told them I am a twin mom. Based on previous experiences, my expected question was, ' a boy and a girl or two boys or two girls?' But the question that was asked was, 'oh did you have a normal delivery or cesarean section?' I was bowled over. Not in an amazing way😅.

It makes us question ourselves. But 35years of my life, having friends all over the World now, I feel I am good. Coming here, I feel I am still a rookie, not knowing about human nature as much as I thought I knew. 

Is it how it is here? Unless you are a part of their system, the by-the-way kind of friendships don't exist. Being a doctor by profession and having a private online setup doesn't give a lot of chances to be a part of any system. What can a person like me do about it? Suggestions absolutely welcome.

Meanwhile, I have started loving my own company. Exploring places and experiences all by myself. I spend more time enjoying my coffee in new places and listen passively to people around me get cues about navigating in the strange city.